Recovery? Which path will you choose?

If there is a lack understanding, responsibility, patience, loyalty, and or self-esteem this is self—destructive and the person’s perceptions will be flawed.

The poem below demonstrates an example of a challenged relationship between Mathew and Ruth. Mathew is a hardworking man driven by his career. However, he is in oblivion to Ruth’s low self-esteem and unintentionally neglected her needs. Ruth is an attractive self-sufficient full-time worker and her homemaking maintenance skills are impeccable, yet her efforts were taken for granted and rartely praised. This impacted on the relationship and eventually drove the couple apart. In attempted to improve their situation, Ruth constantly repeated her views and Mathew bought presents as a peace offering. Clearly this was not the root of the problem; therefore their challenges were not effectively addressed. As a consequence the quality of Mathew and Ruth’s interaction continued to spiral out of control. What happened?

Recovery?
While solitude wraps round my neck tight,
She casts her arms around another tight.
So many thoughts spin through my head,
As I face a reality that most others dread.
My position is so humiliating and unfair,
Yet she is the one that had the affair.
She said, ‘darling to my heart you hold the key,’
I’m so damn furious that she’s done this to me,
A dark existence is all I can foresee.
Indeed my wounded emotions suffers an awful plight-
And even now I can’t eat think or sleep well at night.
I’m trying not to view her as an ungrateful bitch,
But I worked hard to nurture our relationship.
I invested an abundance of love, patience and care,
But yet I find myself living in despair. I keep asking myself how is that fair?
Meanwhile she is out there enjoying a wonderful life,
My God, will trusting another love ever feel right?

Copyright © All Rights Reserved ~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (Alias Rare Diamond)

P.N. Mathew did learn to trust again, he is currently in a promising relationship and so far so good. Ruth deeply regrets her decision and acknowledges that her conduct was irrational. She is working on reprogramming her views and problem solving techniques.

                                             Recovery process ideas
• Expected Emotions:
Recognize that it is normal to feel hurt disappointment and anger; our bodies use these methods to cope with stress.

• Evaluate the Challenge:
Evaluate how the challenge/s began so that if possible you can avoid making the same mistake or entertaining the same destructive tolerance, whatever the case may be.

• Relationship evaluation:
Assess if your relationship is worthy of another chance or not (only you can decide), for example was the challenge a one-off issue or mistake? Can you find it within yourself to forgive them? Or perhaps you are at fault somehow, maybe you have separated already. If you are hoping for reconciliation there are no guarantees but with the right attitude via regret and perseverance  many have succeeded.

• The way forward
Weather you have decided that you want out of the relationship or not, please don’t hang onto or constantly hurl details about negative incidents at your partner, a wound cannot properly heal this way. Whist it is reasonable and expected to reflect on the journey of your life, if you are walking on the recovery path the idea is to seek effective ways to move on, so don’t waste valuable time entertaining bitter memories for donkey’s years.  Take the time out to thoroughly assess your attitude, be honest with yourself and make sincere changes/adjustment as pretending serves no purpose. Even if you do not intend to win back your partner, address any negative tendencies that may generate stress or hinder stability in your future relationships.
Source: Abstract from, Rare Diamond’s Relationship and feelings manual  written by Rare Diamond

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