Daily Archives: February 3, 2015

He was a people pleaser.

Self-evaluations

He was a people pleaser

Supporting others is a rewarding experience for many it is a wonderful feeling to be appreciated; in this instance making small sacrifices for a good cause is fine, as long as you prioritize your personal responsibilities.

However, some individuals become what I call people pleasers, in other words they assists others in a subconscious hope for recognition and self-esteem in return. These seemingly good intentions can spiral out of control and fuel a poor balance in terms of rational safeguarding restraints.

Consider my former clients, I will call them Mr and Mrs P. It was evident that Mr P became a people pleaser. Mr P was a kind and giving man but is he lacked self-confidence and was mistreated by work colleagues and friends. In an attempt to feel accepted and worthy Mr P often assisted others even though it was not practical or financially beneficial for him to do so. Mrs P frequently expressed that Mr P lacked compassion and shared little quality time with her. Mrs P was right, not because Mr P didn’t love her but because he habitually sacrificed his positive energies and therefore he had none left to offer her. Meanwhile Mr P’s so called friends and work colleagues continued to be ungrateful opportunists, ultimately this enhanced his lacking confidence. Heated discussing became the norm and the turbulence in the relationship became unbearable for Mrs P, she realised that her marriage was at breaking point and decided to seek relationship advice.

As you can see Mr P chose a none-productive problem solving technique to address his self-esteem challenges and he suffered the consequential abuse, disappointments and marital turbulence. Indeed it is important to appreciate and grow positive relationships with others but it is equally important to appreciate and grow a positive relationship with yourself.
Rare Diamond.

I hope you enjoy the message I am sharing with you. (Taken from my ‘Relationships and Feelings’ manual)

Respect enhances self-confidence
Let me share a few food for thought important facts,                                         Those who truly respect themselves cover their own back,
They have productive relationships and their positive driving force is on track.
They do not allow their emotions to be controlled by things that other people say or do,
Why? Because their time is limited, they have plenty profitable goals to pursue.
Most observers admire their attitude towards people and how they live their life,
If you are a close associate you will benefit from their glowing motivational light.
So if in life you wish to be happy and envision yourself as a success,
Ensure that the relationship you have with yourself is truly God blessed.

Personal growth
What tools can you use to preserve a positive relationship with yourself?
I have a few suggestions under my belt,
Here are three basic tools: good hygiene, mental stability and physical health.
Ok let’s team up and break down these factors: basic tool number one,
Maintain daily hygiene and check that your chores are done,
Remember subjection to smells and dirt brings no fun.
The value of your character is basic tool number two,
Assess this by establishing if positive people behave in the same manner as you-
If not take notes, mimic their methods and pay attention to what they say and do.
Basic tool number three: eat well, sleep well, balance exercise and rest,
Meditate, pamper yourself and allow your mind to de-stress,
If you do these things your state of mind is more likely to pass forthcoming tests.
Copyright © All Rights Reserved ~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (Alias Rare Diamond)

(P.S Mr P is no longer a people pleaser, he is happily building a solid relationship with his wife.)

I Made The Right Choice.

Please protect and nurture your relationships, especially the one you have with yourself.

The lady in the poem below was forced to make a choice.

Protector or Dissector?
I watched in confusion as he caused mayhem and strife,
Spitting out words that pierced deep like a knife.
His loud intimidating expressions and aggressive behaviour,
Mimicking a pathetic and embarrassing, self-esteem hater.
Meanwhile our daughter would plead, ‘daddy daddy please stop it’ as her face streamed with her tears,
And he! He acted as if the poison he created was somehow warranted and ignored her despair.
When the storm subsided his persona miraculously transformed of course,
He pretended it didn’t happen, sometimes he even showed remorse.
I wondered if he remembers that someday we must all answer to our Grand Creator?
How will he explain his actions? How will he explain that he is a home breaker?
No matter how hard you may try, you cannot deceive God, he is our maker!
And even when we remain in denial, he clearly observes and knows everything,
The dishonesty, the excuses, the denial and all the destruction it brings.
In the end I took my daughter, I left my husband and I never turned back,
I made the right choice too because 7 years has passed and still his maturity lacks.
I am astounded! His anger issues seem even worse than when he was married to me,
And sadly his deteriorating life style is clear for all to see.
I kept warning him about the impending consequences of his negative ways,
He lost me and he has an awful lot to answer for on that final judgement day.
Copyright © All Rights Reserved ~ Zelda Gunzell 2012 (Alias Rare Diamond)

What role do you play?

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What role do you play to maintain a good relationship?  When we interact within a relationship we play the role of a protector or a dissector regardless of age or gender. Let me elaborate a little, you either strive to protect the smooth running of your communication (affirmative relationship ) or you strive to dissect the smooth running of it (toxic relationship) this is directed by your behaviour and the quality of your commitment. So then, which quality represents you?