I came across this article by nolimitvoices on 01.01.2015 the account was so thought provoking that I decide to repost and share my reply.
Love and Relationships
This story is from http://wiseandloving.wordpress.com do you guys have any suggestions for her? She says Hello nolimitvoices! I do have the topic of love I’d like to discuss. My hope is that some un-bias advice will help the situation. Here it goes…….After a 12 year on and off relationship it was time to sit or get off the pot. My friends ex boyfriend asked for her hand in marriage, but she was not willing to uproot her life to another location without the necessary support needed for her survival, just yet. Necessary support included a stable home, stable environment, an engagement ring, health coverage and the comfort of knowing she could land a job within the area he resided in. Her ex boyfriend never believed for a moment that she was going to leave her job and relocate. So they broke up once again. Now…the ex boyfriend calls after 8 months to let her know he is now married and living in another location. WAIT GET THIS…BUT HE STILL LOVES HER. AND WANTS TO BE FRIENDS. My friend is dumbfounded and extremely upset at this news. I’m not clear on what happened exactly, but it sounds to me like a serious communication gap took place. Perhaps she led him to believe she wasn’t interested so he let go. But is it fair to her? She’s feeling like he stole 12 years of her life and filled it with broken promises and insecurities. I am somewhat baffled myself. I really want her to let go and move on. Not sure what to tell her. Any suggestions?
Hi, first I’d like to say well-done, you are a genuine friend, something that is hard to come by these days. Your friend is blessed to have your support. Concerning the situation in question, I noticed the article says, ‘Her ex-boyfriend never believed for a moment that she was going to leave her job and relocate.’ Your friend also says she was reluctant to get married as she had concerns about stability etc. But the article also confirms that the ex-boyfriend moved, got married and set up home with his current wife. I agree with you, it is possible to conclude that there may have been a serious communication breakdown between your friend and her ex-boyfriend.
If I was in your friend’s position I would separate the weight of my feelings/emotions from the raw facts and contemplate the following points before I make my decision:
• What are the benefits for me if I begin a friendship with my ex-boyfriend?
• How could a man that I was in a relationship with for 12 years be married 8 months after we separated?
• Could I truly have a positive friendship with my exe?
• Will I be able to forgive him for the hurt I endured?
• Would I be prepared to reduce my rank down to a side lady in a relationship with a married man and if so what are the possible consequences?
• Was my exe trustworthy, if not can I tolerate his deceitful behaviour?
• Could I envision him leaving his wife for me and if so could I trust him to be faithful?
You posted this some time ago so may be the situation has already been dealt with, if not I hope this helps, warm regards. Rare Diamond x