I really regret having a one night stand. How do I get out of it and move on?

One night stand

I went to a New Year’s Eve party and ended up sleeping with someone. Now I’m really regretting it. I just want to forget the whole thing. How do I get out of this?

While you may be feeling embarrassed, awkward, upset or annoyed about what’s happened I’m pretty confident you are not alone in this.

So here are some reasons why you – and other readers – might be regretting holiday sex. And what you can do to help yourself move on.

I was drunk

Drink and drugs can be an enjoyable part of partying, but can lead us to make poor choices about who we sleep with, what we do sexually, or remembering to use contraception (more on this below). You can get help and support for drugs or alcohol if either are causing you problems.

I had unprotected sex

January and February are busy times for GU (genito urinary) clinics. People seek advice after they’ve had fun over the holidays but forgot to use condoms, didn’t use any contraception, or experienced problems with their contraception (e.g. a condom split, or being sick after taking the pill).

If you are concerned about sexually transmitted infections (including HIV) you can find your nearest clinic for confidential testing here. You can get emergency contraception (in the form of the morning after pill or IUD) from A&E, your GP, pharmacy or family planning clinic. Talk to your GP or BPAS (the British Pregnancy Advisory Service) if you think you may be pregnant and wish to discuss your choices.

I didn’t consent

I am assuming in your case this was just an experience you didn’t enjoy, so the majority of the advice here is based on sex that wasn’t coercive.

But if you, or anyone else reading, is regretting sex because it was actually violent or forced on you, you can get confidential advice and support from a number of places listed in this NHS guide.

I slept with my ex

Which maybe you now regret because you were getting over them. Or thought you had got them out of your life. You may need to restate either to yourself and/or to them the relationship is over.

The sex was bad

Maybe you (and they) were drunk, or nervous. Perhaps it was clumsy, boring or uncomfortable. If this was someone you previously liked a lot, it may be worth seeing them again in case this was an unfortunate one-off. Equally you don’t have to see someone again if you’re not attracted to them.

They want a relationship, I don’t

Not all sexual encounters have to be within, or turn into, a relationship.

I’m ashamed, I’ve never had a one-night stand before

If you’ve been raised to think no-strings sex is bad it may make you feel unhappy, or wrong, to not have a relationship with someone you’ve slept with. Again if you don’t want to see someone again you don’t have to just because you slept with them.

I’m already in a relationship

You may now be anxious about whether or not to tell your existing partner – and whether this counts as cheating, or if it might affect your relationship.

What to do next

If this is a case of regretting sex with someone you’ll never see again – and assuming you’ve addressed any other issues raised above – then you may decide just to put this down to experience and try not to let it bother you, or judge yourself harshly.

If the person wants to see you again Remember: it is your choice who you have a relationship with. It is not unreasonable not to see someone if you aren’t interested. Being up front about how you feel is far better than being vague, or suggesting someone has a chance when they don’t. They may be disappointed to hear you don’t want to see them again but at least they know where they stand.

If this is someone you know or are likely to see socially, or at work, then telling them face-to-face may be appropriate. If you don’t feel able to do this, or if they’re someone you’re unlikely to see again, you could tell them via email or text.

Say you aren’t looking for a relationship, or that you are not for them. You do not have to discuss this any further, nor frame it in a way that suggests you enjoyed the encounter so might be persuaded to repeat it. If they want to talk about it either restate that you are not interested in a relationship, or end the conversation. If they keep contacting you then block their email or phone number. Hopefully they will move on as can you. If they do continue to harass you, you can get advice from the National Stalking Helpline or police.

This experience may have put you off one-night stands. But if you feel in the future you may still want no strings sex this previous reply about choices and casual sex may be useful.

There’s a New Year beginning so try and look forward to what it can offer, deal with this assertively. And move on.

Source: The Telegraph By 1:00PM GMT 02 Jan 2015

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