What are the basic requirements to build a meaningful relationship?

Relationship chart

Relationship dynamics

Relationship dynamics


Which number describes you?

Sex combined with Friendship = FWB Friends with benefits. Nine times out of ten these agreements spiral out of control and fail because- • One or both parties decide to change the rules of the game. • One party wants more than FWB • One party wants out of the agreement and the other becomes bitter Possible consequences: Loneliness, jealousy, low self-esteem, disappointments, anger and a good friendship may be permanently ruined in the process.

1. Sex combined with Friendship = FWB Friends with benefits or open relationships.
Nine times out of ten these agreements spiral out of control and fails when: – • One or both parties decide to change the open rules of the game. • One party wants more than FWB • One party wants out of the agreement and the other becomes bitter. Possible consequences: Loneliness, jealousy, low self-esteem, disappointments, anger and a good friendship may be permanently ruined in the process.2.

Eros Love, (sexual attraction), combined with Sex and Friendship = A meaningful intimate relationship. These three qualities unified, are the perfect ingredients to bond a meaningful relationship. How so? Friends guide and protect each other, enjoy quality time together, they have compassion and they are self- sacrificing too. As sex partners you can demonstrate feelings that can only be expressed while make love and when there is mutual sexual attraction this compliments the friendship and the sex too.

Combined with Friendship = A meaningful intimate relationship This is the perfect ingredient to maintain a meaningful relationship Sex and Love also generates a meaningful relationship because if you truly love your partner then you will be close friends too.

Phileo Love (hospitality) combined with Friendship = Platonic relationship. If you have love for another person it does not mean you are obliged to have sexual feelings towards them too. Despite the stereotypical view, with consideration these types of relationships can and do work. I have many affectionate friends from both genders myself. However appropriate boundaries must be in place, e.g. • Respect and consideration towards your friend’s partner if they have one (it strengthens your own friendship) • Encourage your friend to be attentive toward their partner (it keeps your thoughts and feelings on the right track) • If you are not particularly close with your friend’s partner do not visit your friend’s house too often or outstay your welcome because this may annoy their partner. If you are close with both parties ensure your conduct is appropriate at all times Basic Protocols to preserve tranquillity and goodwill • Avoid- none revealing attire • Phone calls early hours in the morning late at night or for too long • Flirtatious suggestions or behaviour. Finally, in terms of sexual feeling a friend should be viewed in the same way you would view a blood family member.

Eros Love (sexual attraction) combined with Friendship = A complicated relationship. This setting can turn out either positive or negative. Individuals meet, sense sexual attraction, become friends and then fall in love all the time. But! If there is no rational amicable path for the relationship to develop into an intimate relationship, be aware! Eros love combined with friendship can plummet into a toxic relationship if you fall into denial. If you are not sure how the person feels about you just ask them to share their views.

Please note: I refer to those who view their relationship as ‘Sex combined with love.’ this is a complicated relationship because one cannot truly be in love without a being mutual friends too. No relationship is perfect but a genuine friendship generates unity. Consider point A: have you heard someone mention a quote like this? ‘I love ….. but I can’t stand him/her? Logically there is a breakdown of unity to a large or lesser degree. What are the consequences? Emotional challenges to a large or lesser degree. Point B: Unfortunately, some people will tolerate sexual exploitation in a bid to search for acceptance, attention and self-confidence (borrowing confidence). Of course this is a dangerous path, not only is it self-destructive, it is also none productive to rely on another person’s actions or words to determine your own happiness and peace of mind. If you find yourself in similar circumstances to this paragraph, make plans to seek advice and support.

Eros Love – (Sexual attraction) meaning physical passion; its gratification and fulfilment. It is inferred in many bible scriptures and is intended for one-man, one-woman relationship (Heb. 13:4; – 1 Cor. 7:25; Eph. 5:31).
Storge Love – (Unconditional love) Storge is the natural bond between mother and infant, father, children, and kin. William Barclay states, “We cannot help loving our kith and kin; blood is thicker than water” (N.T. Words, 1974).
Phileo Love – (Hospitable love) Phileo love is a love of the affections. It is delighting to be in the presence of another, a warm feeling that comes and goes with intensity. The Bible encourages it but it is never a direct command. This type of love is based on the feelings.
Agape Love – (Compassionate emotions) Agape love is God’s kind of love. It is seeking the welfare and betterment of another regardless of how we feel. Jesus displayed it when he died for you and me. ( Matthew 7:12)

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